Hey!! Quick update before the real blog:
We are serving with Faith Center Ministries in Kigali, Rwanda, teaching in the mornings, evangelism throughout the surrounding areas from our host’s home, and fellowship and worship every night with the church! Our hosts are amazing (so hospitable and kind and loving to their community). They already told us we are family and that we should call the Bishop, “Papa Peter”, and his wife, “Mama Agnes”.
Now– to the blog. So, I’m gonna get serious pretty fast because I just don’t like prolonged transitions when I’ve got something to say. And I realized it’s been a while since I got vulnerable with all of you back home.
During the last month with no wifi, I didn’t get homesick. As a matter of fact, I’ve not felt anything for the States at all for the entirety of the Race. I eventually thought something was wrong with me. Everyone else felt something for home or the people they saw as their homes in America. I just didn’t. Then, this last travel day happened. To start, I couldn’t call my parents when we got to the Addis Ababa airport. We were all frustrated and really desperate, in a way, to talk to each other. It didn’t happen. We got to Kenya and I waited two hours before calling my family because they were asleep back home (time zones issues). When I finally did call my family, we had a huge long talk and then, right before I got to say goodbye, the wifi cut out and my phone would not connect anymore. We arrived in Kigali and had issues with both the wifi in the airport and at the hostel during mini debrief. I got to my host before I even realized I hadn’t told my family about another month’s possibility of no wifi.
I thought when I got to this point on the Race that I would feel relieved, maybe even happy, to not be connected via internet. I thought it would be easy… How wrong was I. I thought, “It’s only been four days since you’ve had wifi! Suck it up!” But, oh man. I’ve had tears in my eyes and a painful ache in my heart for the last hour since getting back online. Even beyond that, I’ve been battling against thinking about or dreaming up the scenarios where I never get to see the people I care about ever again. It’s eye-opening to have the spiritual “family” here and I’ve already taken them for granted in the same way it now seems I’ve always taken my real family for granted.
Yup. Tears are flowing. Ain’t no stopping it now. So this is my official statement.
To my family. To Mom, Dad, Alex, Smokey Jr., and Cuddles. To the extended family that I have harboured bitterness and anger against for most of my life, and to those in that extension that I do love and care for and just haven’t seen in a while or have lost along the way. To my previous teams and to P-squad as a whole who could’ve really been my family on the Race if I had let you and hadn’t neglected you, too. To my small group families in DCLS that I could’ve loved much better. To the ex-best friends a part of me will always love but always remember we failed to point each other to Jesus, and the beloved new ones who’ve shown me the very depths of God-centered friendship. To Jesus, who should’ve always been my closest family and my bestest friend.
To all of you– I’m sorry. I’m sorry it’s taken this long for this hardened part of my heart to crack. I’m sorry it took this long for me to understand why you cried or why you cared or why you left. I’m sorry it took this long to forgive or to really believe I’m forgiven. I’m sorry for the neglect and selfishness and unfeeling.
I’m sorry. I love you. And I miss you.
I really mean it this time.
Love you so much and miss you. God is our Source and our Healer. Hugs+ Grandie+
Wow Re’ I can only imagine how much this transparency can mean to so many family and friends. God can do amazing healing if we open our heart to Him. You are a beautiful young lady and I know God has much more in store for you. As a mother I know this post has lots of tears flowing. I’m so glad you took this journey so you can now let go of where you were and continue to open your heart, mind and soul for the blessing to come. I’m proud of your honesty and ability to say I’m sorry to so many. Your life is forever changed because your heart has love!! God is so amazing!
Wow Re’ I can only imagine how much this transparency can mean to so many family and friends. God can do amazing healing if we open our heart to Him. You are a beautiful young lady and I know God has much more in store for you. As a mother I know this post has lots of tears flowing. I’m so glad you took this journey so you can now let go of where you were and continue to open your heart, mind and soul for the blessing to come. I’m proud of your honesty and ability to say I’m sorry to so many. Your life is forever changed because your heart has love!! God is so amazing!
Beautiful. God’s work in you is so sweet to watch. Keep chasing Him down. So, so proud of you Ré!! ??
Sydnee Re’gan,
Thank you for this letter. You are loved and we are grateful to the Lord for bringing you to this place. He wants all of your heart. Your Dad and I do too.
You are a beautiful young woman. Becoming more beautiful with each passing day.
I would love to say some things to you but should wait til we have some time together. Just know that we love you and I am grateful to hear this from you. Thank you for your vulnerability, thank you for letting God continue to take off the layers, heal the old wounds, and transform you into the woman He has always intended you to be.
You are forgiven, and with that you will have more feelings come and you will be able to articulate your feelings better. My Momma heart is proud of you sweet girl.
I look forward to getting time to talk and pray together. God is doing a great work in you. Continue to press into Him.
“Failure is never fatal and success is never final. It is persistence that counts.”
R. G. LeTourneau
I love you bunches,
Mommie (kisses)
Blessing to you – thank you for being open with us as Our Lord takes you to the next step in HIS Kingdom Journey!
OH RE’ ——What a beautiful letter to our family and closest to you. From this momma’s heart…i am so proud of you for being vulnerable and being public with that vulnerability. You and your team mates have all been through a transformation on this trip and it is remarkable to read about (witness while i was in Romania) and watch happen with you all. God is right beside you…loving you and encouraging you to peel back the layers! Continued prayers for you and all the squad as you try to stay present and bring energy to your last few weeks on The Race! God Bless you all!
My friend, I’m so proud of you. Vulnerability is the hardest thing we can do and you brought it. So so great to see what God is doing in your life. Love you so much! ??????
Thank you. I needed this and I am so happy that the Lord revealed this to you. I have to admit that I was wondering if you acctually missed me even though everyone reassured me that you did. I love you and I miss you too
You’re the best
Re
So proud of you and you’re an inspiration to me!! I cannot wait to see what all God has for you in your life.
Blessings and much love!
Stephanie
Re’, it is one thing to allow the Holy Spirit to reveal our hearts to us, it is another thing to trust Him as we reveal our hearts to others. It is not easy being transparent as you are, but is crucial, so He can do even more through you. We love you very much and are constantly praying for you and your team. Keep up the good work, Re’! He (God) that has started a good work in you will finish it! Love ya girl, Uncle James
I love you big Ré. 2% showing up STRONG. Never been more proud. ??
Hey, Ré! Now, You got me crying! Which Our Family is probably already used to. Since, I cried watching Miracle on 34th Street @ Christmas time (“Please, Don’t be mean to Santa!), I cried like a Baby watching Your Dad sing at the Men’s Retreat, Heck, I even cried when Aunt Carla Jane told me that the big bad wolf ate all three of the little pigs, LOL! But, I must say that always after a good cry, my Spiritual, Physical, and Mental Health become Much STRONGER! Now, Sing With Me! “I can see clearly now the tears are gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. It’s going to be a bright (BRIGHT) SON SHINY DAY!” I hope you dig the new lyrics! The best advice I can give to You is FINISH THE RACE! In the meantime, just be reassured, “He’s Got The Whole World in His Hands. He’s Got The Whole World in His Hands. He’s Got The Whole Wide World in His Hands!” I LOVE YOU BIG! SEE YOU SOON, BABOON! OH, AND P.S. – I cried at least 4 times typing this message. Because crying is Healthy, LOL??!