A Dummies Guide to Processing Anxiety

We made it to our ministry in Sombor, Serbia!  I’m honestly kind of glad I waited until after last week’s debrief in Belgrade to write this section of my processing series because some useful material came out of what I experienced during our first week here in Serbia.

Jumping right in, anxiety is an understandably difficult subject for most people.  It’s something I’ve only just been learning about how to deal with while on the Race, quite fittingly alongside learning how to process.  I used to think anxiety was only for weak-minded people and I couldn’t possibly fall in that category.  I used to think anxiety shouldn’t be talked about because it is over-dramatic and everyone who has anxiety is just looking for attention.  I also thought anxiety couldn’t be a struggle for someone who is “really” following Jesus because, if you actually have Jesus, then you should know some unrealistic type of undisturbed peace.

I’m gonna just burst that bubble right now.  Anxiety is a part of being human.  Yes, Jesus is our peace; however, we are not made perfect like Jesus on this side of eternity.  I wouldn’t say it is a stretch to imagine that even Jesus himself struggled with it.  I mean…  Sweating blood in the garden of Gethsemane?  Yeah.  So, anxiety is a painfully real and intense struggle that I truly believe every person goes through in their own way.

Let’s address some possible symptoms or indicators of anxiety.  A basic understanding of anxiety addresses things like: a pounding heart, feeling of falling, sweating, shortness of breath, loss of emotional control, headaches, insomnia, tremors/twitches, “What if” questions, etc.  The other symptoms I’ve personally experienced are: an immovable weight from my chest, a clouded or unfocused mind/thought life, a feeling of being trapped in my own mind, tight throat, sleeping without resting (I have what I call “running dreams” that I wake up from and spend the next day exhausted), delayed expression or the inability to express that I’m having an anxiety attack until I’m exploding, and the classic “I’m fine” when I’m not actually fine.

Three things that help:

• A codeword.  This has likely been the most useful tool for me in learning to conquer anxiety.  My personal codeword, “oxygen”, gives me the freedom to let family and close friends into where my head is without having to go into detail during an anxiety attack.  I’ve discovered it’s extremely problematic for me to try to communicate my situation in the middle of one, but I also really need to communicate somehow with my people in order to receive help.  Anxiety, for me, makes me unsure or completely unaware of my mind’s current condition so I tend to reason away the symptoms until I break and everyone is caught off guard—including me.  I only put words to this last month and implemented this plan with the people I trust to help me.  The codeword (usually sent in a text) allows me to communicate the need of the situation without “crying wolf” or creating a sense of emergency that puts the people I love on edge/in unnecessary stress.  When they receive my message, they immediately know that I need prayer and, if possible depending on proximity, much needed/desired physical touch.  Both of these things ground me and let me know that I am not alone.
• Establish attainable goals.  Don’t expect to conquer this on the first try.  It takes time and it takes continued vulnerability to your community.  Be prepared to take small steps to start, such as creating the codeword or memorizing scriptures that are encouraging to you and help to ground you.
• Prayer. (Obviously.)  As I stated, prayer is key in any battle against anxiety.  Get vulnerable with people and with God.  Seek His peace and the strength His comforting presence provides you to walk through the battles you must walk through.

Three things that don’t:

• The words “for no reason”.  I have had to fight to shatter these words in my own mind.  Even if there is no reason, wherever you are is where you are and that is valid.  Do not reason away what you are going through, and do not let anyone else tell you to suck it up just because there is no “logical” reason for what you are currently experiencing.  I fell apart in the middle of last week’s debrief for what seemed like no reason and received some shock but strong support from my best friend, team, coaches, and squad leaders.  You need support, not condescension.  Jesus does not condemn you for the struggle.  He will only lovingly convict you according to your actions in reaction to the struggle.  He is trustworthy and never condemning.  You’re listening to the wrong voice if condemnation or condescension is all you are hearing.
• Being forced to speak about the issues before being able to come to terms with what exactly it is that is needing to be processed.  The best thing any trustworthy and safe person can do to help someone struggling with anxiety is to not press too much.  I used to take nearly a week to process things.  Now, I can send my codeword and my safe people will pray.  I will process verbally with them if I need it in the moment or I will come to them with what I’ve processed within the next 48 hours.  Be patient and stand (in prayer or in presence) by your people that are in the midst of the battle.  Then, celebrate with them the growth that you see in them.
• Isolation.  Please, please, please; my friend, please don’t isolate.  Whatever it is, it’s better to share burdens than to fall under the weight of them alone.  You are not the burden.  That’s such a stupidly common lie that our enemy tries to use to undermine healthy community.  And the awful part is that it still works.  We will fail to love people well if we cannot surround them when they falter.  Battling anxiety is not something to be ridiculed for.  I commend anyone who fights this battle because it takes guts to fight and power to win.  It also helps to know that Jesus already fought your battle and won it for you long ago.  The enemy is just a sore loser and likes to remind us of the punches he got in before Jesus’ big win.

Whether it seems to be an impossible obstacle to climb or an exhausting battle to fight—whatever it looks like for you—do not give up.  Power, love, and a sound mind are yours to claim because of the Holy Spirit living in you.