She Was Listening

Last Friday was a hard day in the classroom as we had a few disruptions and some less than receptive students.  However, I had an encounter that entirely changed how I viewed the difficulties.

It was during one of the most frustrating classes of the day.  We were constantly being mocked and it seemed like no one was listening.  There was one girl, however, that I kept my eye on for the entire class.  Once we began the lesson and she heard our opening remarks on mental health, she lay her head in her hands and I could tell this was about to hit very close to home for her.  Her reaction began to draw the attention of several of her friends who were talking to her with some concern and even one of my teammates went over to try to help at one point, but she did not want to talk to anyone.  Near the end of the class, nothing seemed to change about her countenance so I approached her.  She didn’t want to talk at first, but, as I just kept talking and reassuring her that this was a safe place for her to open up, she turned to look at me.  I can’t describe the pain in her eyes, but it is a pain I recognized and have been intimately familiar with.  I asked if she would like to step outside so she could talk with a bit more privacy and she gave a small nod.

Outside the classroom, she kept her eyes down and I asked if something was going on at school.  She shook her head no.  I tried again and asked if there was trouble at home, to which her eyes shifted and her head nodded slowly.  My first instinct was that the issue involved a death and she confirmed that was the case.  Death has been a heavy theme in my own life and I know how hard it is to talk about.  I didn’t try to push at this point and just waited for her to talk.  It took a moment, but she softly asked if I had ever been blamed for something.  A sudden weight hit my heart.  She went on to say that her siblings blamed her for her dad’s death.  I could feel the Father’s heart hurting for His precious little girl in that moment.  Oh, man.  I just wanted to take her home with me and love her and give her so many hugs.  I tried to encourage her and was seeking the Lord in that moment for how to comfort her because nothing can really help that kind of pain.  She, then, told me she had done something bad and I was fully prepared for what happened next. 

Her arm extended toward me and the word “HATE” was cut into her inner forearm.  I held her as she cried.  Even as I write this, I’m overcome by emotion.  I told her that she was worth so much more and shared some of my own past with self-harm and depression.  Some light came to her eyes and I knew she felt a little less lonely.  I had the opportunity to tell her about the Father’s heart for her and I ended up praying over her.  This encounter has me at a place filled with hope for the hard days, the days when it seems like no one is listening.  She was listening and now she is not as alone as she was before.

To the parents, friends, family, employers, teachers, pastors and all people who have influence in the lives of the youth:

Please listen.  Please embrace them as they are right now and pray over their tomorrow instead of judging them by their today.  If I, personally, hadn’t had people who saw what I could become, I wouldn’t be who I am now.  Be watchful and be prepared.  Open your hearts and your arms to help them up when they fall—because they will.  Just be there.

I saw her again on Monday.  She was smiling (like, really smiling).  I couldn’t have asked for anything better.  Still, God blessed me with a little more: she told me that she thinks the prayer worked.  I love you, “Z”, and how much more does our Father in heaven love you.