May 7th, 2019

Our leadership usually gives us a word for every month.  This month’s word is Perspective.  Even before getting the email with the word for the month, I was already seeing God do some perspective-shifting in me.  A lot of it has to do with how I view people (as I shared in the prayer-blog I posted a couple days ago).  You’d think the Race would come with that because we “have to” view everyone differently on a mission trip.  “I have to see them like Jesus does.”  But, if I look at people so surgically and try to replicate how Jesus treated people without actually caring for those people, it really doesn’t happen so naturally.

Do you ever feel a longing to know people (like the ones in passing on the street or the brief acquaintances we make along life’s road or just people in general) and wonder if they would want to know you as deeply as you could want to know them?  I think about that alot.  I think that we all long to be known–like thoroughly known– and, then, we get so wrapped up in wanting to be known we forget to remember that the same depth is in everyone (generalizing there but I believe it has to be true) and it’s just a matter of looking deeper.

I open up or say way too much sometimes and find it surprising when, for some people, that stuff goes without saying.  They can see me under it all.  People actually understand.  It’s easy to lose parts of yourself under the mess. Then, you find the ones who help you dig it out, who know what’s under it all to begin with.  Sometimes, they know without you having to know or believe those things about yourself.  It’s always breathtaking.  Then, in return, we forget to know people sometimes.  I realize that I write people off based on the depth I perceive that they have.  We tend to make our judgments about them, but seeing people as deeper than the enigmatic objects we make them out to be in our minds requires a reciprocal vulnerability that I think, honestly, scares most people.

Fun fact about me: I love the process of self-actualization.  I want to never stop growing.  I live for and need positively-directed change.  More than all that, however, I don’t want to make the mistake of knowing myself so deeply and missing the depth others have to offer as well.  If I did, that, in my opinion, would be one of the larger mistakes of my life.  My family has always said that I don’t do shallow well.  They are, of course, correct.  I want to make my home in the deep.  The unfathomable.  The incomprehensible.  The astounding.  And I want people to try it out, too (not just talk about it).  Why waste time planting seeds that will never develop deep roots?  Where nothing will last or produce good fruit?  Sounds all good and logical (at least to me), but there’s another lesson I must learn:

Not everyone is used to the pressure down here.  And, that’s where grace and a little change in perspective comes in.

P.S. Thanks for all the prayers.  I’m feeling much better today after getting sick Sunday night!  I appreciate all of you!  Much love!