How I Was Called to Missions

I’m gonna make long story long and share today the faithfulness of my God.  I myself need to be encouraged today to keep seeking and trusting Him.  What better way to do that than to look back on His trustworthy nature and give Him glory?!

While not going too in depth with my testimony and past (so as to not get caught on myself), I will say this…  I was raised in a loving Christian home with amazing parents and a younger sister.  I have a long testimony of God bringing me back to believing in Him after some hard times and through depression.  After high school, I was a bit aimless and didn’t know what I wanted to do career-wise.  My salvation moment came at the end of the summer following my graduation and God began to work on restoring me from that point on.  However, this didn’t give me any direction.  I refused to give God my future and still wanted what I wanted.  My stubborn attitude went on for 3 years after high school until July 4th, 2016 (ironic that my obstinate wall came down on Independence Day). 

The week previous to that date I had begun a fast because I was growing restless.  That August I would be on my way to university to complete the latter half of my nursing degree.  Nothing felt right.  It was all just chaos and OVERWHELMING anxiety.  I couldn’t sleep.  I was struggling to be excited about this next step in life.  Finally, I took it to God over that week.  On the evening of July 4th (a Monday), I was awake again.  3am bedtimes were normal.  So, I prayed.  Laying there, I wept and cried out to God.  I submitted to his will and told Him all about how I hated feeling useless.  Purpose and impact was all I wanted.  And I wanted to help people.  In the stillness, I heard him.

“Are you ready to listen?”

“Yes, Lord.  I’ll do anything you say.”  Dangerous words.

“Even drop out of school?”  This one hit me like a ton of bricks.  My dad was the first to graduate from college on his side of the family.  School was necessary and required (or so I thought).

“Yes…?”

Two days later, after conversations with mentors and parents, I dropped out.  I considered what to do next and the Dream Center Leadership School came into the picture with its $7000 tuition (a daunting number).  God sent my pastor’s wife to me to say that $7000 for tuition was a drop in the bucket for the King of Kings.  The following Monday I applied to DCLS and two days later I was accepted into the program.  Thirty days after that I had all my tuition covered.  My God worked on me all that following year.  I gave Him that nine months of my life (without asking for my purpose to be laid out for me) and He healed me in ways I can’t even describe.

I knew it made sense for me to do the second year program in DCLS but I began to look beyond that.  One Sunday in April with graduation on the horizon and plans to be made, without warning, a friend in the program with me sat down beside me between services at church and she asked me the question I had been dreading: “What do you wanna be when you grow up?”  It was kind of a joke, but the weight of it hit me.  What did I want to do?  “What do you enjoy?” was the following question.  Writing… Music… Photography… Ministry… Travel.  Travel.  *with sighs of longing*

“Sounds like missions to me.” She said.  It’s not like I hadn’t considered it.  Nevertheless, that stuck with me and I couldn’t think of anything else.  Worship started and I couldn’t focus.

“God, it sounds like missions is where you want me.  I feel like I’m making this up.”

“Sit down and open your Bible to Matthew 24.”  I’ve never heard him more clearly.  I wasn’t even sure there was a 24th chapter in Matthew in that moment because I was so caught off guard.  The title of that chapter was the next part to hit me: “Jesus Speaks about the Future”.

Whoa.  Okay, God.  No joke– I said, “What the hell, God?”

The passage was dark.  Bleak.  It was actually making me question why God had brought me to that chapter.  But, in the terrifying nature of that chapter which spoke of death and destruction and end times, I realized a preventative factor to the Gospel.  I felt the hope of Jesus.  Preventative was the word that I held onto.  I sat on that word throughout the service and, as the pastor spoke, I tested God.

“If this is you, tell the pastor to tell me from onstage.  Confirm your call to me.”

Passing the point in the service that I felt the pastor would say something like that, I felt relief and sadness wash over me.  Dodged that bullet.  I was thinking I almost called myself to the ministry.  Obviously it was all in my head.  Then, in the middle of prayer, the pastor stopped and my heart quickened.

“I feel like I’m supposed to tell someone here that they are called to be a missionary.  God is giving you the courage and the boldness to step out and be that PREVENTATIVE factor in the world.”

“That was for you.”  My friend leaned over and grabbed my hand as I began to shake.

Why me, God?  I’m messed up.  I’m so ashamed of my desires and my past.  Half the time I’m unfaithful to you.  Yet, in it all, you keep showing up.  You still want me?  YOU still want ME.  If this isn’t a testament to God’s character, I don’t know what is.  He chose me.  When I didn’t want to choose Him, He chose me.  When I did what I wanted, He still planned for me.  He still waited.  He still loved.  He still gave His Son.  He still desired ME.  He still desires YOU.  There’s no end to His goodness.  I write of my own flaws and He covers over those scars with His blessing, calling me higher.  I’m in awe.  There’s nothing more to say than to sing His praises.

DCLS isn’t my calling.  The World Race isn’t my calling.  Missions isn’t even my calling (though I do believe God has prepared me to be useful in international ministry).  No.  He called me to trust Him.  And, when I finally did, He called me to be His.  Above all, I am His.  That’s my identity, my purpose, and my call.  That’s my echo, my symphony, and the portrait of my life.  To be His.  If anything else, I want to be remembered one day for telling everyone I could that they can be/are HIS.  And He is a gentleman.  He won’t force His covering on anyone, but He waits for our genuine surrender.  He waits for our desires to fail to be enough.  He waits for us.  Be His.  It’s so much better than being our own.